i don’t express my true feelings often………….because i’m afraid to.
i don’t know why but i’m always too afraid to give people the response they wouldn’t like. i’m always driven by the thought that they would think bad of me. yes, i can express who i am to my friends and to God, but i have difficulties being myself to someone who’s older or who has more authority than i do. sometimes, i feel too intimidated because i think they are smarter and just better than i am. another is that i feel shy around people that aren’t younger or the same age as me. and last but not the least, i don’t want to disappoint them.
some people expect a lot from me. i remember when my Chemistry teacher told me that i was his prospect as student leader. i’m not very competitive myself. i do care for my studies and a lot of different things but i can’t handle too much responsibilities. i’m not as outstanding as i think or as they think i can be.
because of those expectations thrown unto me, i got this habit of telling people what they want to hear from me and not what i really want to tell them. it’s really hard to get over this. i know people might tell to just be confident and express myself but i also know that it’s better said than done.
i just wanna be me. and be happy.
buti pa nga si Budoy laging happy, sana ako rin. 😦 🙂
well then, this has been my blog entry for March 25, 2012.